On Halloween three years ago, Kim Jong Il proposed to me. It wasn’t the North Korean dictator who tested nuclear weapons, mind you, but a nice Jewish boy in costume. Actually, he proposed to Mary Katherine Gallagher, the armpit-sniffing Catholic schoolgirl from "Saturday Night Live." Mary Katherine gave a resounding, “Yes!” to the question of marriage to Kim Jong Il, and today we live happily ever after in New Orleans. There is a lid for every pot and, thankfully, my lid loves to dress up in costume as much as I do.

Here in New Orleans, we dress up for birthdays, concerts, Halloween and, of course, Mardi Gras. Look in our car trunks and you will find—at the very least—a wig and a cape. And as with anything creative, good costumes are all in the execution. The trends here have spoken—and this year, the hottest couple costumes come straight from Hollywood.The “new school” of Hollywood is tacky and shameless. Try these costumes at your own risk—you may spot a snap of yourselves in a gossip rag post-Halloween.

1. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock: All you need to Pam-it-up are a teeny-weeny white bikini and gigantic boobs (err, water balloons, anyone?) Hold a glass of champagne in one manicured hand, and make up several marriage licenses for your new hubby to hold in the other. For your man to make like Kid Rock, a long blond wig, a baseball cap, a white tank top and some jeans will do. Bling is optional.

2. Paris Hilton and Elliot Mintz: Lots of pink clothes, a tiny stuffed dog and a long blonde wig will do for a Paris costume. Her long-suffering publicist Elliot needs only a slick of gel in the hair, a fake tan and a cell phone in each hand to gab to reporters about how Paris and Nicole have finally worked things out. A getaway Porsche in which to drive “Paris” away from the cops would also help.

3. Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and the kids: Adopting all of the creatures from the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disneyland? Then you must be Brangelina! All this costume requires are Cabbage Patch dolls in a rainbow of colors. Strap the dolls onto your bodies and hit the road.

4. Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, and the kids: To ape Britney’s “country” look, wear a teased blonde wig and big sunglasses. Chew a big wad of gum and tie a baby to your hip with a seatbelt strap. Cheetos and Red Bull are optional.
   
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