Spiritual Sex: 10 Erotic Commandments

I came away from my studies in religion with the knowledge that it is possible to be intensely spiritual and intensely sexual at the same time. There is no contradiction. More than that, I came to believe that if a person's sexuality is not fully accepted, his spirituality will suffer. And vice versa: If his spirituality is not strong, his sexuality will be weak.

From all these sources I developed what I will call the ten erotic commandments. Notice that they are not about physical love as an isolated phenomenon. I think of a human being as always, in every instance, made up of body, soul, and spirit. There is no such thing as purely physical love, because we are more than physical. So, be prepared for a broader notion of what sex is all about.

There are practical steps to go with these "commandments." Realize the importance, men and women, of taking care of your bodies: being clean, smelling nice, dressing well. Pay attention, as well, to what you say, talking with some intelligence and thoughtfulness. Choose the setting and props carefully: good oils, fragrances, linens. Spiritual rituals are always carried out with attention to detail and with beauty. Have an image nearby that captures the union of sex and spirit: a photograph of one of the couples on the Indian temples of Khajuraho or Konorak, for instance, or a picture of blue Krishna with his gopis and his girlfriend Radha.

I have a special love of early Renaissance paintings of the Annunciation, the moment when an angel appears to tell Mary that she is with child by the Holy Spirit. There are hundreds of these paintings, and I always look to see how they depict the spiritual semen, often as a gold stream shooting down from a bird to the uterus of the Virgin. In sex, we make contact with the divine through our partner. The more vision and care that goes into our sexuality, the more it serves as a conduit to the spirit.