When Money Masks Couples' Real Problems
In relationships, financial conflict might actually be about something deeper.
The lesson here is that in many "money" breakups, subtle (or not-so-subtle) signs often point to the infinite complexity of human psychology. Commonly expressed emotions include: cravings for attention, fears of the unknown, or judgments about class, among any number of other conflicts.
Deep problems like mistrust or resentment can be transformed into stinginess or financial recklessness.
And when you think about it, almost everyone has some kind of money problem: an easy, breezy substitute for things we're too busy to analyze, or too ashamed to confess. So if you're fixating on a money fight, you might be missing the point. And make sure to remember that, as therapist Lois Gold puts it, "It's not what the conflict is about that causes a breakup. It's how the conflict is handled. Each person needs to be heard and understood."
Discussion
How are average couples supposed to understand money management when even our government can't get a handle on it? I wish they would teach people how to communicate about money instead of just sending people checks or better yet, bailing them out, when things go bad. Where's the relationship bail out? I'm waiting....
with the exception of the homemaker, none of these relationship money issues seem typical. i mean, come on, one is clearly a compulsive shopper and the other is a trust fund kid. when it comes down to it, the vast majority of americans today are just trying to pay the bills or learn how to achieve a work/life balance that doesn't put them any deeper into debt.
The final words of this piece are so reassuring "It's not what the conflict is about that causes a breakup. It's how the conflict is handled. Each person needs to be heard and understood." I really like the idea that our choice to try and make things work can be the thing that makes things work.
