Dealing With A Monster-In-Law
Advice for a woman who married a mama's boy and his explosive mother.
Q: My mother-in law and I always have had an amicable relationship. She can be opinionated, overprotective of her three sons, irrational, and a tad misogynistic, but she usually makes up for it with her generous and caring spirit. Last week, however, I was the victim of one of her vicious, unwarranted attacks—which my sisters-in-law had warned me about. She accused me of being unsupportive of my husband's career, selfish for wanting him to accompany me on visits to my family, and dismissive of some of my nieces and nephews. For the record, when my husband was transferred overseas, I didn't hesitate to leave my job, a new house, and our family and friends—nor do I grumble much about his constant travel and long hours. We see his family more than mine. And I remind my M.I.L. of my nieces' and nephews' birthdays, and inquire about them every time I speak to her.
So now I know: Avoid touchy topics when she's into a bottle of wine, and never vent to her about her workaholic son. But she hasn't apologized, and is just pretending it never happened. I have a hard time doing the same, considering some of her comments were really cruel and unjustified. Also, I'm unhappy that my husband has not come to my defense. (He sympathized with me, but didn't follow through on speaking to his mother.)
Aside from my declaration that we won't be moving to my husband's hometown until his mother is six feet under, what should I do? What should I expect him to do?
—Irritated Daughter-in-Law, a.k.a. Mrs. Mama's Boy
Discussion
I have a question...
Im engaged to a single father of two boys. He isnt too uptight on his religeon but is trying to develop his religeon for his kids. My mother shared the same religeon but really didnt practice it like him and his family. His mother seems to be very concerned on getting us married as soon as possible "for the kids" and thier interpretation of thier religeon. We are struggling in this economy like every other person and finances arnt wonderful. I feel we can wait to get married and his mother is very firm on that we should get wed. Ill be honest I am alittle nervous on getting married, but i feel if we could have certain things in place like some of our finances, it would be a stronger and more enjoyable event in the long run. I fear of hitting the floor running without some things in place. We cant even afford a wedding at this point. Him having a family be me is a financial struggle for him thus the financial struggle on us getting married. She says If I love and are ready to dedicate my life to him and his children this shouldnt be an issue. In a sence I can see her point, but I dont want anything half fast either. He will be my first and only husband and I want our unity to be a willful one not a financial weight for our future. So what should I do?
Another thing...
Why is it that she continues to make decisions regarding the kids when he and myself are more then capable in making those decisions? Its like marrying a couple. Him and his mother.
This article Monster-in-Law...it's surpirising to see someone had faced exactly the same situation as me with the only difference- my MIL was totally sober while she vent out on me. I answered her on the face though it was tough for me to do so( I was in tears for what she accused me). I couldnt handle her cruelity and selection of words. Though she knows I have moved with my husband to a different country because of his job and we visit MIL and family twice often as my parents, she had no right to talk that way when my husband was not around. Luckily later when I told him what happened he asked me to forgive her, but he said he does believe that situation might have occured, but asked me to forget it and move on.
Sine this happened 4 months ago, my MIL has again started to act normal now. Because my husband spoke to her after. Whatever! I dont give a damn for what she does or acts as long as my man loves and respects me.
