In response to the 10 things black men look for in a wife.
A couple weeks ago, Singleblackmale.org created a list of Ten Things Black Men Look for in a Wife. And then they followed it up with a part two, adding 10 more attributes and opening the challenge for women to chime in with their thoughts. But most importantly, they asked for a woman's perspective on what she wanted.
Well, we answered the call! Here's our list of 14 things black women look for in a husband:
1. A belief system. While many Blacks grow up practicing denominations that align with Christianity, there are also some who practice other religions or are just raised on the premise of spirituality. Either way, a black woman will want a man who shares a similar faith or is faithful to some religion/belief system because it will be the foundation of the family they want to build. It also ensures that the couple is rooted in the same values and morals.
2. Leadership. Statistically, black women pursue college degrees more than their male peers. This may mean women may potentially be more educated or even make more money than their spouse. But what really makes or breaks a relationship will be the ability for the man to respect his wife and to feel empowered to take the lead when appropriate. No matter the distribution of education or wealth in the relationship, his ability to take action and lead will be an asset.
3. Fitness and appearance. Depending on the woman, physical appearance varies from ‘extremely important’ to ‘doesn’t matter as long as he treats me well’ on the grand scale. However, a man who keeps himself well-groomed and clean will always turn the head of a woman. And the same way men can lose attraction to woman who gains weight or ‘lets themselves go,’ so can women.
4. Financial stability. Women like for men who have the ability to provide. This doesn’t mean buying expensive dinners and gifts but at the bare minimum, a man needs to be able to pay his bills, hold down a job and have a place to live — even if that place is a shared apartment or home. Even more so, if you are in massive debt, you might want to work on your finances before you seriously begin dating.
5. Motivation and grind. Not every man will make six figures or be the breadwinner. But what really separates men is their ability to be motivated to want to move ahead and to also motivate his woman. Most importantly, if things got rough and he was laid off, would he be willing to do whatever he needs within reason to provide for his family?
6. Family values. Not everyone comes from the home with the white picket fence and married parents. Even if someone comes from a broken home, it doesn’t mean they don’t come from ‘a good family.’ What matters is that the person knows the value of family and those relationships and works to repair them when possible. Resolving any past mother and father issues helps men have successful, respectful marriages and emotionally healthy children of their own.
7. A social life. No woman wants a man who just sits around waiting on them. Black women want a man with a set of friends, maybe fraternity brothers or work buddies, and/or homeboys from back home. Having friends who you’ve kept for a while is another sign of stability, good character and dependability. It also gives another outlet outside of the relationship.
8. Social awareness. Does he know anything about what’s going on in the world? The community? Is he socially conscious and aware that Boko Haram has kidnapped Nigerian girls and that ISIS is beheading people? Basically, does he watch the news and can he carry on a conversation about current events, popular culture and things that affect our community? If not, he needs to spend some time with CNN.
9. Supportiveness. Whether the woman is going natural, up for a promotion or painting the dining room, having a man who is supportive is important in a world that often seems tough on women.
10. Ability to carry a conversation. You might think this goes without saying, but no — I can’t tell you how many girlfriends of mine dismiss men who can’t carry on conversations or intrigue them. This is where hobbies and life outside of work continues to help men win big.
11. Temperament. What woman doesn’t drive men up the walls every now and then? A man who doesn’t blow up and fights fair will still be masculine without losing his temper, forcing his will on the woman.
12. Romance and displays of love. While you can certainly "learn" romance, it's great to date (and eventually marry) a man who knows how to make a woman feel special. Even if your love languages are different, receiving love in some form is always welcome.
13. Spontaneity. Can we go away for the weekend? Can we make love somewhere besides our bed? The ability to do something new and fresh will inspire a woman to do the same and ensure things won’t get boring.
14. Willingness to please. Depending on the woman, sex can be a real deal-breaker. But then again, there are also women who will fall in love with a guy who doesn't necessarily have what it takes to please them in the bedroom. What matters most is that the man is willing to try to please his woman. Effort goes a long way if a man has other strong attributes to make him a good husband.