An Anal Sex Expert Answers 19 Questions You've Been DYING To Ask

Photo: WeHeartIt
how to have anal sex
Sex

Get the goods on joining the "Backdoor Betty" club.

Dr. Hilda Hutcherson loves sex toys, believes the world is much too porno-phobic, and thinks more women should give anal sex a try. In other words, she's the gynecologist every guy wants his girlfriend to meet.

Among the many sexually taboo topics, anal sex is probably one of the most well known. All guys seem to want it, while all girls seem to hate it. But Dr. Hutcherson believes that more women might actually find out that they like it if they give it a try.

Women who don't enjoy anal sex, she says, are probably doing it wrong.

But there’s also a lot about anal sex that people either don’t know or don’t understand. It’s one of those sex acts that’s best to have a little bit of knowledge before trying to attempt it, especially if one or both of you have never tried it before.

But just what kind of questions should you be asking? And what should you make yourself aware of before trying it? These worries plague plenty of first-timers, so don’t be concerned if you feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of it. While it’s true that anal sex, like any other kind of sex, isn’t for everyone, it would be a shame to simply mess up your first time and then hate it, not really realizing what you’re missing out on to begin with.

Intrigued, I scheduled an 8 AM consultation with Dr. Hutcherson. I wanted to make sure that I would get all the goods and secrets about joining the “Backdoor Betty” club. If you’re curious, like I was, then it’s time to put those concerns to rest and get some information that will help make your anal experience as fun and positive as it possibly can be.

Here are some of the important questions— and answers!— you might have about how to have anal sex, straight from a doctor.

1. I'm pretty sure the butt wasn't made to be penetrated. Is anal sex bad for you?

You're not going to hurt yourself if you follow the rules.

2. There are official anal sex rules?

You've got to want it. You've got to use lots of lubrication. And you've got to take it slowly.

3. How much, exactly, is a lot of lube?

You need a LOT. You've got to rub it all over the penis. Then, using your fingers, put the lubricant around the anal opening and up inside.

4. One of my friends said Astroglide is not good for anal.


Madamenoir

Glycerin-based lubes (like Astroglide) don't last long enough. A silicone-based lubricant is going to be a lot better for anal sex. If you use one of the others, you have to stop, put more on, re-enter... it's just a mess.

 

Related: Butt Orgasms Are REAL. Here's How To Have One.

 

5. Anal sex is probably a messy endeavor anyway, right?

No, no! I wouldn't say so, but everybody thinks you're going to have feces all over the place.

6. Really? Because I've heard stories.

Well, if she were constipated, yes. Otherwise, no, not if she has normal bowel functions. The anus does not usually have feces until it's ready to evacuate.

7. Can all women orgasm from anal sex?

Every woman has the ability to orgasm, physiologically, because the space between her vagina and rectum is so thin that, in the doggie position, the penis is going to press up against her G-spot. Some women find it's the easiest way to stimulate their G-spot.

8. So is that the position you'd recommend for women during anal?

For those just starting out, I think getting on all fours might be a little too intense because she doesn't have as much control. Lying on your side in the spooning position won't allow penetration that's as deep. It's also a more relaxing position. When you become more comfortable, the doggie is the easiest way for a woman to orgasm.

9. Is it possible to hurt her if the penis is thrust too far in?


Tenor

The penis is only so long! Contrary to what men believe, the average penis is five inches or less, erect. But if you're talking an extra-long toy then, yes, it's possible.

 

Related: 8 Ass-Smackingly Great Ways To Have Anal Sex That Doesn't Hurt

 

10. I think I just heard the male ego shatter. I found it interesting to learn that you can lose things in the butt. Does it happen often?

Not often, but it does happen. If people don't use something with a wide base, it can slip in.

11. In your book, Pleasure: A Women's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve, you use the phrase, "being sucked in." It's not like a black hole, right? It sounds scary.

No! No! I mean, if something gets sucked in, you have to go to an emergency room most of the time to have it removed.

12. Have you heard any anal sex horror stories?

Oh all kinds of things: Light bulbs, various food items...

13. A light bulb?

Yeah. We couldn't figure out how it got in there, but all kinds of things... I guess whatever's handy at the time.

14. Maybe they were trying to act out a "how many light bulbs" joke. You said it's important for a girl to relax her sphincter muscles. How?


Popkey

I use Kegels.

 

Related: What It REALLY Means When Your Man Wants You To Try Anal Sex

 

15. How does that work?

She should squeeze the muscles when she breathes in and relax them when she breathes out. He should slowly push the penis in as she relaxes. You're working together.

16. So what you're saying is anal sex takes teamwork.

He shouldn't just push his way in. Men have to realize that if they make it painful, they're never getting in there again.

17. How does a guy get a girl to let him in the backdoor when "open sesame" doesn't work?

Well, the thing I can say to her as a doctor is, it's not unsafe. She's not going to be wearing a diaper, she's not going to have fecal incontinence, she's not going to be soiling herself or passing gas all day. From her boyfriend, she wants to know that he's not going to just get in there and go crazy. Men do sometimes — they lose their minds.

18. I'm guessing you're not talking certifiable.

Guys have these fantasies, and once they're in the midst of fulfilling them, they can lose control. A woman wants to know that he's going to work with her, and that if she has pain, he's going to stop.

19. You recommend easing your way in over a period of six days. Is there a Cliff Notes version?

You don't start out with the penis. Work your way up, stimulating the outside with a finger or tongue and then slowly use your finger to enter the anus. And then once she get used to that, you can go on to bigger and better things.

 

Author
Author

Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.
Contributor

Explore YourTango