A Girl's Guide to Anal Sex


Get the goods on joining the backdoor betty club.

Really? Because I've heard stories.
Well, if she were constipated, yes. Otherwise, no, not if she has normal bowel functions. The anus does not usually have feces until it's ready to evacuate.

Can all women orgasm from anal sex?
Every woman has the ability to orgasm, physiologically, because the space between her vagina and rectum is so thin that, in the doggie position, the penis is going to press up against her g-spot. Some women find it's the easiest way to stimulate their g-spot. Sex Video: How to Have a Female Orgasm

So is that the position you'd recommend for women during anal?
For those just starting out, I think getting on all fours might be a little too intense, because she doesn't have as much control. Lying on your side in the spooning position won't allow penetration that's as deep. It's also a more relaxing position. When you become more comfortable, the doggie is the easiest way for a woman to orgasm.

Is it possible to hurt her if the penis is thrust too far in?
The penis is only so long! Contrary to what men believe, the average penis is five inches or less, erect. But if you're talking an extra-long toy then, yes, it's possible.

I think I just heard the male ego shatter. I found it interesting to learn that you can lose things in the butt. Does it happen often?
Not often, but it does happen. If people don't use something with a wide base, it can slip in.

In your book, Pleasure: A Women's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve, you use the phrase, "being sucked in." It's not like a black hole, right? It sounds scary.
No! No! I mean, if something gets sucked in, you have to go to an emergency room most of the time to have it removed.

Have you heard any stories?
Oh all kinds of things: Light bulbs, various food items…

A light bulb?
Yeah. We couldn't figure out how it got in there, but all kinds of things… I guess whatever's handy at the time.

Maybe they were trying to act out a "how many light bulbs" joke. You said it's important for a girl to relax her sphincter muscles. How?
I use Kegels.

Is that like leggo my Kegel? How does that work?
She should squeeze the muscles when she breathes in and relax them when she breathes out. He should slowly push the penis in as she relaxes. You're working together.

So what you're saying is anal sex takes teamwork.
He shouldn't just push his way in. Men have to realize that if they make it painful, they're never getting in there again.

How does a guy get a girl to let him in the back door when "open sesame" doesn't work?
Well, the thing I can say to her as a doctor is, it's not unsafe. She's not going to be wearing a diaper, she's not going to have fecal incontinence, she's not going to be soiling herself or passing gas all day. From her boyfriend, she wants to know that he's not going to just get in there and go crazy. Men do sometimes—they lose their minds.

I'm guessing you're not talking certifiable.
Guys have these fantasies, and once they're in the midst of fulfilling them, they can lose control. A woman wants to know that he's going to work with her, and that if she has pain, he's going to stop.

You recommend easing your way in over a period of six days. Is there a Cliff Notes version?
You don't start out with the penis. Work your way up, stimulating the outside with a finger or tongue and then slowly use your finger to enter the anus. And then once she get used to that, you can go on to bigger and better things.

Like this article? Check out some related content from our friends at The Frisky!


Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Must-see Videos
Stories we love
  • eHarmony is responsible for nearly 5% of marriages in the U.S.