Husband No Longer Trusts His Wife After She Lied To Her Parents About His Brother Wearing A Dress To Their Wedding
We all cave to our parents now and then. But this doesn't bode well for their marriage.
InesBazdar / Shutterstock Navigating the differences between families after getting hitched can have quite a learning curve. However, for one newlywed man on Reddit, his wife's failing score at the endeavor has him questioning whether he made a mistake marrying her in the first place.
His wife lied to her parents about his Queer brother wearing a dress to their wedding, and now he no longer trusts her.
It seemed like their wedding was set to go off without a hitch. The husband wrote in a Reddit post that the conflict started when his LGBTQ+ brother, who he described as "very feminine," asked if it would be okay if he wore a dress to the wedding.
His brother said he'd understand if they preferred he wore a suit, but the bride was delighted to include him in any way he wanted and even took him dress shopping.
But at the wedding, the bride was visibly uncomfortable, and her parents confronted the groom about his brother's dress at the reception.
"I noticed my fiancée, or now wife, had a weird look on her face," the groom wrote. "I asked if there was a problem, she said no." But then suddenly, "my mother-in-law asked me why tf my brother had worn a dress."
When he explained the situation, his in-laws said his wife told them he forced her to agree with his brother wearing the dress.
As you might guess, his brother was humiliated and hurt, and he was furious. When he confronted his now-wife, she refused to answer his questions. "I've told my Fiancée that if she doesn't give me an answer, I will file for divorce."
His wife then admitted that she'd lied to her parents and blamed him for the brother's dress because when her parents asked about it, "she felt like they were being judgmental," and "it was easier" to blame him than to face her parents' ire.
Many of his wife's family members have since reached out to both him and his brother to apologize. For his part, the brother has said he's willing to forgive the bride despite being humiliated by her.
"But I'm not sure I am yet," the husband wrote. "I'm not divorcing (annulling or whatever) my wife. I want it to work out," he went on to say. "But the thought of her being [so quick] to blame me [I] can't get out of my head."
Trust is foundational to a relationship, and having your spouse's back in conflicts with the in-laws is essential.
As usual, people on Reddit were convinced this man's new wife is some kind of diabolical villain he should throw into the nearest volcano.
That's not to underplay the seriousness of what she did. It's egregious, particularly given how her actions humiliated her Queer brother-in-law. But love and marriage are complicated, and parents wield inordinate emotional power over us. Not wanting to upset them is a natural inclination.
That said, the make-or-break factor is whether the wife is willing to learn from this and do the necessary work to ensure something similar never happens again. Because any way you slice it, this incident does not bode well for the marriage on multiple levels.
Not being willing to stand up for your new LGBTQ brother against your family's bigotry is cowardly at best. Experts say spouses choosing to have each other's backs in conflicts with in-laws and being willing to set boundaries with them are vital for any marriage to last, especially once children come along.
Speaking of LGBTQ people, legendary couples therapists, and researchers, Drs. John and Julie Gottman say having each other's backs with problematic family members is one of the things LGBTQ couples tend to do better than straight couples due to how frequently incidents like this one occur.
If this wife is willing to roll over so easily because of her parents' bigoted discomfort over something as petty as someone's clothes, what's going to happen when a major conflict erupts with them?
Some Reddit users suggested the groom should make a legal move of a different kind than divorce: a postnuptial agreement stating how they'll handle a split in the future should a situation like this arise again. Lawyers say such agreements are a good idea anyway, especially if a couple plans on having children.
"Tell her for you to trust her again; this is the first step," the commenter wrote. "If she doesn’t like that or refuses, there’s your answer."
That just might be a good idea because this kind of moment of weakness definitely sends up a lot of red flags.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.