5 Questions To Ask Yourself If You're Scared Of Falling In Love (Or Love In General)
You can't live a life of fear.
Getty Images | Unsplash, marinesea | Canva You have dreamed of a relationship and invested time, money, sweat, and tears looking for someone. Then he appears. And then you resist. Why do you fight, push away, or even run from the relationship you wanted and from falling in love? Have you doubted yourself or the other person when it seems that you have finally attracted just what you had been searching for? Do you find yourself ruminating and analyzing or even justifying if this is really what you want? Do you wonder if you are ready for a relationship or if you would be better off remaining single? Do you have one foot in and one foot out of the relationship? Perhaps you have been longing for intimacy and now that the prospect of it has arrived, you feel scared of love.
If any of these thoughts have crossed your mind, you are at the edge of the cliff and the other side is just a leap away. But you know that everything in your world will change with that jump and you are placing two hearts on the line. You risk getting hurt and you risk hurting another. But it is what you said you wanted. So let's look more at this resistance and decide if you are ready to go all in and make that jump.
Let me share my story and a recent dream. I started the year with my number one goal to find and enjoy a fabulous relationship. I invested in a relationship seminar for a week out of state, hired a relationship coach, and read many books on attracting a relationship. I recited affirmations, developed a detailed list of what I was looking for in a relationship, created a visualization notebook filled with pictures representing a loving relationship, and even did some feng shui in my house. I joined two online dating sites and invested my time to use them and meet new people.
As life would have it, I got sidetracked briefly with a health scare. I placed dating and my goals of a relationship on hold and put my attention on regaining my strength, both physical and emotional. Funny things sometimes happen when you are not looking or expecting it. While I was recovering and taking a break from dating, I discovered someone who matched almost everything I was looking for on my list. As I allowed myself the opportunity to get to know him more and enjoy some dates, I found that I was entering into the zone of resistance for no good reason. I had returned to good health and it was time to move forward with my life and goals.
But I found myself hesitating because I was nervous. I felt like a kid again with nervous energy that I had to constantly push through, leaning into the edge of my comfort zone. I also had a vivid, symbolic dream. I love swimming and my dream showed me swimming on the ground instead of water. I wasn't making much progress and as I did inch forward, I was scraping my belly on some pebbles and the dirt of the ground. I believe this dream showed me out of my element of water (a single life that I had grown accustomed to since it had been many years since my divorce). Being in a relationship was actually a bit uncomfortable, but I was making slow progress, inching along the ground. The dream made me smile and ponder my resistance. I finally concluded that it was my choice to make the transition into a relationship hard or let it flow. I decided to go for it and keep going. If you have ever experienced anything like this story, here are 5 elements to consider as you decide if you will move into a relationship with two feet.
Here are 5 questions to ask yourself if you're scared of falling in love, or love in general:
1. If you envision your life in 10 or 20 years, do you want to be alone or with a companion?
If you are old and presented with the end of your days approaching, do you want someone there to hold your hand and support you? Would you be willing to do that for someone else?
2. Do you want to have a travel companion to explore and experience new places together?
Do you want to create wonderful memories with someone?
3. Do you want to give and receive love again?
Do you have love in your heart that is currently unexpressed? Could you add pleasure and companionship to someone else? Are you willing to receive love?
4. Would your positive relationship be an inspiration to another person?
Does one of your children need a role model that improves upon a negative past experience? Would your courage help them to be brave in their own lives?
5. If you decided to never again have a relationship, would you have regrets on your deathbed?
Only you can know if you are resisting a good relationship or if your ambivalent feelings are a warning that the relationship is not good for you. Think about it and listen inside to what the answer is for you. And if you sense you have found a good match that might turn into something magical, then be brave and go for it! This life is not a dress rehearsal and you do not know how much time you have left.
Lisa J. Shultz is a consultant, speaker, and award-winning author, who specializes in writing non-fiction, self-help, and inspirational books. She is the author of Lighter Living: Declutter. Organize. Simplify.